Another Beginning?

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I don’t know about you but it’s nearly June and I am -100000 steps where I wanted to be at this point in the year. Forget summer body ready, hell I am winter body ready…again. So, here I am again writing yet another blog post on ‘it’s been a while but I am back’. Only this time, I have no excuses not to be officially back.

I recieved an email this morning from WordPress saying that today is my 4 year anniversary with them. Looking back, I have achieved a lot and so little at the same time. The first year blogging on here I lost around 4 stone. A year later, I started university and managed to put on half of what I lost over those three years. You could literally use my chins as a hiding place in hide and seek. Today not only marks 4 years on here but also my first day of freedom from univeristy. IT IS OVER! I start my new job in a month and have June to do whatever I want – cheaply. This means that I have the next month to get my body and my brain back into gear and overcome the barrier of starting again.

Not only has my weight increased drastically but I have found that my mental health is starting to become effected aswell. My anxiety levels are through the roof. I don’t want to see family members or friends that I haven’t seen in a while as I know they’ll comment on my weight gain. I feel hatred towards myself for allowing it to happen. All very unhealthy stuff and I do not want it to spiral any further. I have a lot of social events coming up in June and over the summer, all of which I am excited for but also dreading so I really need to stop whining and feeling sorry for myself and actually do something about it.

Today, I took my verys first step – I went for a run. It was only two miles but it was a run. I haven’t been for one in a couple of weeks what with placement and exams (usual excuses). It felt like absolute hell I am not going to lie. 2 miles? More like sodding 10. My shins felt like snapping, my ankles felt like they were going to pop, my back felt like it was going to break, everytime I swallowed my saliva it felt like I was suffocating, my head felt like it was a tonne. I got home and needed a good amount of time sprawled across the garden floor trying my best to gain my breathe back and not to vom. Recovered, I felt a sense of hope. I did in no ways feel good, just glad that the very very first step was now over. I have booked another half marathon in October which I hope will push me to continue with my running along with maintaining some what of a healthy diet as I do not want to injure my knees like last year.

I’m not going to promise to do x amount of runs a week or two stick to a certain diet or even to write a blog post daily/weekly. All I am going to do is to try to stick with it.

So, here are to new beginnings no matter how many you may have. Be proud to keep having to start over – at least we haven’t completely given up just yet.

S.

 

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On A More Serious Note…

In most of my posts, I make a joke about my weight and constant struggles lowering it. This post, however, is just something a bit more serious that I would like to share with you all.

Of course, I would like to lose weight to enable me to feel good about myself. Be able to look in a mirror without utter disgust. Be able to look good in clothes that are a bit skimpier than a bin bag. The main reason I would like to lose weight, however, is to improve my health. Here are some of the observations that I have made recently with my rising BMI:

Mind:

Hardly exercising, drinking and eating constant crap is really having a detrimental effect on my mind. The main thing it is playing on is my anxiety. I have not been going with my family to see other family members because of my anxiety. Worrying about what they will think/say about my increasing weight – how disappointed they will be in me. Not only family members, but cancelling on friends too for the same reasons.

I have also noticed myself growing more and more depressed. I, honestly, have no nice things to say about myself. I can not look at myself in the mirror at all. A constant feeling of tiredness accompanies my little to no drive.

Hair:

My hair is ridiculously thin, constantly breaking and falling out quicker than North&South Korea.

Periods:

As some of you who have followed this blog from the beginning will know, I have Poly-cystic Ovaries. Before I lost weight a few years ago, I hadn’t had a period in over a year. When I lost the weight, my periods came back to being monthly and light. However, since gaining back the pounds I have noticed my monthly periods becoming less regular and even skipping months. This is not something that I would like to start happening again as it effects so much more than just my menstrual cycle.

Skin:

My skin is growing whiter by the day, massive circles around my eyes and I look generally unwell all of the time. I believe this is due to not having the right amount of vitamins through not eating properly and not exercising regularly.

General Health:

I’m not going to lie, in the past two months I have been seriously worried that I was going to have a heart attack – on more than one occasion! I have been feeling tight chest pains, unusual heart rhythms/flutters and experiencing very high blood pressure, something that I NEVER get. I have caught a bad bad cold more times in the past six months than ever before and I find it hard to breathe if I lay on my back due to my neck fat and humongous boobs crushing down on my trachea.

So there you have it folks, these are the main reasons why I am incredibly focused in losing the weight that I have accumulated and put back on over the past year or two and even more if I can. It’s not about how you look it’s all about health. I don’t want to get diabetes or risk dying young all for the sake of a few precious moments with some chicken nuggets, pizzas and chocolate etc.  I want to live life and live life full. As Renton said in Trainspotting “I choose Life”.

S.

Re-Stock

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As some of you may be aware from reading previous posts, I have put half a stone back on over a couple of months rest. Last month I started to get back into the swing of things but everything seems to be going slowly once more. Maybe its my impatience or it may be not doing enough variety of exercise.

I, therefore, started an October challenge for myself on the 1st. It involves abs, arms and thighs. For some reason monthly challenges keep me on track rather than me doing bits here abd there. Everyday I will do ten more sit ups than the previous day, starting at ten. So, for example, today I did 80 and tomorrow I will do 90. By the end of the month I should do 310. For the arms, I have bought a 6kg weight (don’t laugh, I am a weakling) and are doing 2 sets of 10 bicep curls and lifty up one’s everyday for a week and then adding another set each week of the month. The thighs I have decided to do 5 sets of ten second holds for each side a day at mid level hold and right up in the air hold and, like with the weights, will add an extra set each week. (Sorry if this makes no sense, I have no clue of the correct names for these moves.)Of course, this will be accomopannied by my walking and 1000calories food intake a day. That’s right, I am cutting back on calories for the month and seeing how it goes.

I will upload some pics of my arms and stomach and then again in November just to see how they compare.

Any of you guys doing any challenges at the moment or how are your general healthy lifestyles going? Anyone applied for the London Marathon 2015?

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(Vodkas not mine)

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(Excuse my grandma’ish bed sheets)

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