Make or Break

Mindfulness-1-1080x675

2018 can well and truly do one. It’s only 3 months into the bugger of a year and I’m already getting these ‘testing times’ pelted at me left right and centre. Illness, job NONsatisfaction, the loss of a close relative and my relationship breakup are all trying my ability to not fall off the wagon at the moment.

I’ve somehow put myself together though and agreed to channel all of my emotions into focusing on myself – my physical and mental health…hopefully the two will come hand in hand.

With more free time on my hands, my aim is to not wallow in self pity but to jump into a new exercise class, my running or both. To occupy my brain I plan on focusing my thoughts on consciously eating healthier. This will legitimately take up most of my brain power. And well…let’s see how things go from here. As that head says (the one on the Knightbus in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban) “It’s gunna be a bumpy riiide”.

I’ll try and make more of an effort to post on here too. I hope 2018 is treating all of you alot better! ✌Here is a cliche quote to end on..images

 

Advertisements

On A More Serious Note…

In most of my posts, I make a joke about my weight and constant struggles lowering it. This post, however, is just something a bit more serious that I would like to share with you all.

Of course, I would like to lose weight to enable me to feel good about myself. Be able to look in a mirror without utter disgust. Be able to look good in clothes that are a bit skimpier than a bin bag. The main reason I would like to lose weight, however, is to improve my health. Here are some of the observations that I have made recently with my rising BMI:

Mind:

Hardly exercising, drinking and eating constant crap is really having a detrimental effect on my mind. The main thing it is playing on is my anxiety. I have not been going with my family to see other family members because of my anxiety. Worrying about what they will think/say about my increasing weight – how disappointed they will be in me. Not only family members, but cancelling on friends too for the same reasons.

I have also noticed myself growing more and more depressed. I, honestly, have no nice things to say about myself. I can not look at myself in the mirror at all. A constant feeling of tiredness accompanies my little to no drive.

Hair:

My hair is ridiculously thin, constantly breaking and falling out quicker than North&South Korea.

Periods:

As some of you who have followed this blog from the beginning will know, I have Poly-cystic Ovaries. Before I lost weight a few years ago, I hadn’t had a period in over a year. When I lost the weight, my periods came back to being monthly and light. However, since gaining back the pounds I have noticed my monthly periods becoming less regular and even skipping months. This is not something that I would like to start happening again as it effects so much more than just my menstrual cycle.

Skin:

My skin is growing whiter by the day, massive circles around my eyes and I look generally unwell all of the time. I believe this is due to not having the right amount of vitamins through not eating properly and not exercising regularly.

General Health:

I’m not going to lie, in the past two months I have been seriously worried that I was going to have a heart attack – on more than one occasion! I have been feeling tight chest pains, unusual heart rhythms/flutters and experiencing very high blood pressure, something that I NEVER get. I have caught a bad bad cold more times in the past six months than ever before and I find it hard to breathe if I lay on my back due to my neck fat and humongous boobs crushing down on my trachea.

So there you have it folks, these are the main reasons why I am incredibly focused in losing the weight that I have accumulated and put back on over the past year or two and even more if I can. It’s not about how you look it’s all about health. I don’t want to get diabetes or risk dying young all for the sake of a few precious moments with some chicken nuggets, pizzas and chocolate etc.  I want to live life and live life full. As Renton said in Trainspotting “I choose Life”.

S.