Another Beginning?

1new-beginnings

I don’t know about you but it’s nearly June and I am -100000 steps where I wanted to be at this point in the year. Forget summer body ready, hell I am winter body ready…again. So, here I am again writing yet another blog post on ‘it’s been a while but I am back’. Only this time, I have no excuses not to be officially back.

I recieved an email this morning from WordPress saying that today is my 4 year anniversary with them. Looking back, I have achieved a lot and so little at the same time. The first year blogging on here I lost around 4 stone. A year later, I started university and managed to put on half of what I lost over those three years. You could literally use my chins as a hiding place in hide and seek. Today not only marks 4 years on here but also my first day of freedom from univeristy. IT IS OVER! I start my new job in a month and have June to do whatever I want – cheaply. This means that I have the next month to get my body and my brain back into gear and overcome the barrier of starting again.

Not only has my weight increased drastically but I have found that my mental health is starting to become effected aswell. My anxiety levels are through the roof. I don’t want to see family members or friends that I haven’t seen in a while as I know they’ll comment on my weight gain. I feel hatred towards myself for allowing it to happen. All very unhealthy stuff and I do not want it to spiral any further. I have a lot of social events coming up in June and over the summer, all of which I am excited for but also dreading so I really need to stop whining and feeling sorry for myself and actually do something about it.

Today, I took my verys first step – I went for a run. It was only two miles but it was a run. I haven’t been for one in a couple of weeks what with placement and exams (usual excuses). It felt like absolute hell I am not going to lie. 2 miles? More like sodding 10. My shins felt like snapping, my ankles felt like they were going to pop, my back felt like it was going to break, everytime I swallowed my saliva it felt like I was suffocating, my head felt like it was a tonne. I got home and needed a good amount of time sprawled across the garden floor trying my best to gain my breathe back and not to vom. Recovered, I felt a sense of hope. I did in no ways feel good, just glad that the very very first step was now over. I have booked another half marathon in October which I hope will push me to continue with my running along with maintaining some what of a healthy diet as I do not want to injure my knees like last year.

I’m not going to promise to do x amount of runs a week or two stick to a certain diet or even to write a blog post daily/weekly. All I am going to do is to try to stick with it.

So, here are to new beginnings no matter how many you may have. Be proud to keep having to start over – at least we haven’t completely given up just yet.

S.

 

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