On A More Serious Note…

In most of my posts, I make a joke about my weight and constant struggles lowering it. This post, however, is just something a bit more serious that I would like to share with you all.

Of course, I would like to lose weight to enable me to feel good about myself. Be able to look in a mirror without utter disgust. Be able to look good in clothes that are a bit skimpier than a bin bag. The main reason I would like to lose weight, however, is to improve my health. Here are some of the observations that I have made recently with my rising BMI:

Mind:

Hardly exercising, drinking and eating constant crap is really having a detrimental effect on my mind. The main thing it is playing on is my anxiety. I have not been going with my family to see other family members because of my anxiety. Worrying about what they will think/say about my increasing weight – how disappointed they will be in me. Not only family members, but cancelling on friends too for the same reasons.

I have also noticed myself growing more and more depressed. I, honestly, have no nice things to say about myself. I can not look at myself in the mirror at all. A constant feeling of tiredness accompanies my little to no drive.

Hair:

My hair is ridiculously thin, constantly breaking and falling out quicker than North&South Korea.

Periods:

As some of you who have followed this blog from the beginning will know, I have Poly-cystic Ovaries. Before I lost weight a few years ago, I hadn’t had a period in over a year. When I lost the weight, my periods came back to being monthly and light. However, since gaining back the pounds I have noticed my monthly periods becoming less regular and even skipping months. This is not something that I would like to start happening again as it effects so much more than just my menstrual cycle.

Skin:

My skin is growing whiter by the day, massive circles around my eyes and I look generally unwell all of the time. I believe this is due to not having the right amount of vitamins through not eating properly and not exercising regularly.

General Health:

I’m not going to lie, in the past two months I have been seriously worried that I was going to have a heart attack – on more than one occasion! I have been feeling tight chest pains, unusual heart rhythms/flutters and experiencing very high blood pressure, something that I NEVER get. I have caught a bad bad cold more times in the past six months than ever before and I find it hard to breathe if I lay on my back due to my neck fat and humongous boobs crushing down on my trachea.

So there you have it folks, these are the main reasons why I am incredibly focused in losing the weight that I have accumulated and put back on over the past year or two and even more if I can. It’s not about how you look it’s all about health. I don’t want to get diabetes or risk dying young all for the sake of a few precious moments with some chicken nuggets, pizzas and chocolate etc.  I want to live life and live life full. As Renton said in Trainspotting “I choose Life”.

S.

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